This has definitely been a week of firsts. Some totally satisfying, others just plain confusing. My long and infuriating wait for a landline finally came to an end on Wednesday, no thanks to Telkom, who lost my original order for a month. Anyhow, it felt really gratifying to finally start my working year. Socially, it was a great week too. I had visits from some good friends, which is definitely welcome if, like me, you're stuck in bed... ugh! I was able to help out a few friends in turn, offering some advice and emotional support... heck, I even found myself tutoring mathematics. So you might ask, where's the confusion?
Although my pursuit of 'truth' led me to become a Christian, I feel sometimes like I just don't understand Christians. I'm a very different person to who I used to be but it just seems like I still relate to non-Christians better. This confuses me... and I'm not easily confused. I can only be the person I am, but that may mean that my expectations in life may have to be re-evaluated. It's like the bard said: "...and unto this, above all else, to thine own self be true." All I can do, I feel, is to go forward in faith.
On a positive note, it seems I'm off on another roadtrip this Easter --- holey bottom dictating. Definitely something to look forward to. Until then, it seems, I'm burying myself in work.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Anywhere but here
One of my greatest ambitions has always been to travel. Until now, my excursions outside of South Africa have been few and far between. I've been all over the world through the many books that I've read. In my mind's eye, I've seen myself picking up gold nuggets on the beach in Nome, Alaska. I've seen excitement in the bullrings of Mexico. I've sailed the length and breadth of the Caribbean, marveling at it's beauty while shedding a tear for it's brutal history... and that's just for starters. So I ask myself, where would I go to if I were afforded the opportunity... and why? Here's my list, picking one place for every month of the year.
January would probably find me in Bangkok, Thailand. With its jumble of crammed streets running in every direction, its collage of colors, sounds and scents, and its proliferation of temples and markets, Bangkok is considered one of the most exciting cities in Asia. Well, that's what the travel brochures say. For me, it holds a special significance... it was my late mom's favourite place on earth, having visited 3 times. If I were to go, I'd consider it deeply spiritual, a way of connecting to someone I loved very much and miss even more.
February would see me in Cozumel, Mexico. Yes, I know it's a tourist trap, but what few know is that it was once an ancient Mayan fertility site. I love the latin culture, the spanish language (it would give me a chance to practice), and it would be the perfect base from which I could go see the Pre-Columbian pyramids, the jungles through which Morgan and Drake trekked, and the diverse architecture of the region. Of course, I'd probably want to employ a tour guide to get the full experience... and let's not forget the food. Mexican cuisine rocks!
March would take me to Luxor, Egypt. Tombs, temples, camels and desert. There's something romantic about visiting a place that was around at the dawn of civilization. To visit the Valley of the Kings, see Tutankhamun's tomb, the ruins of Thebes which include the "City of the Dead"... man! I'm in my element. And what better way to cap it all off than with a Nile cruise to Cairo, taking in the Pyramids of Giza and the Sphinx along the way. A few rounds through the souks, picking up a souvenir or two. That would be a trip worth taking!
So where to in April? Only one place comes to mind. Paris, France. The place I've wanted to experience since I was a boy. Montmatre, the Champs Ellysee, the Louvre, Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower... the list goes on, and on. To take in all of Paris would take a lifetime. I'd settle for sitting on a bridge across the Seine, eating a baguet, sipping a beaujolais, while pondering the fact that the stone I was on probably came from the Bastille. Paris in springtime... now there's a cliche I wouldn't mind putting to the test.
So we come to May. Here again, the choice is pretty clear... Florence, Italy. This is the capital of Tuscany, which of itself brings images of wine, food and song. Birthplace of the Renaissance, Florence is, for me, about art and architecture. To quote the travel brochures, it is said that, of the 1,000 most important European artists of the second millennium, 350 lived or worked in Florence. The prospect of romance is, of course, a topic I've carefully skirted around up 'til now, but in a place like this... who knows, right?
June should find me in Vienna. This is another one of the places I've always wanted to see. A definite high point would be a trip to the Opera house... bearing in mind that this place was home to the likes of Mozart, Beethoven and Mahler. The art and architecture are also sure to be exquisite, considering that Gustav Klimt is my favourite artist ever. However, as always, it's the people who make any place what it is ultimately... so bring on a cup of wienner-mischung, a piece of torte and a newspaper, and leave me to watch the people from a cafe along the Ringstrasse.
July. My birth month. I'm thinking, let's have some fun! Bring on the American Eastern Seaboard. Yes I know it's not a city, as such. Hey, the US is the US, right? So let's visit Boston first, maybe take in a Sox game. I'm sure there are plenty of significant historical sites too, but I'd settle for a trip to Fenway Park, throwing in some July 4th fireworks... of all kinds. Then it's roadtrip time: next stop, the Big Apple! Just seeing the crazy pace would be entertaining but broadway beckons, methinks. A ferry to the Statue of Liberty, a trip around Times Square, all lit up, and a visit to "Ground zero", the place where our world changed forever. Along with a ride up the Empire State Building, I'd be happy. What about the Met, you ask? Okay, but then we're off again... to the last stop, Washington D.C. (and all the metal detectors). The Smithsonian, the Jefferson memorial, the Lincoln memorial, the Washington Memorial, the White House and the Capitol... I'm such a tourist!
So August comes along and I need a change of pace. China, baby! The toss up is always going to revolve around where. Will it be Beijing, with the Forbidden City, Tianenmen Square and the "Temple of Heaven"? Maybe Shanghai, the place where old meets new? X'ian is also an option, I'd love to see the Qin museum's terracotta warriors. Ultimately, I may have to just draw a lot... I mean, there's just so much. Hongkong, Taipei, a Yang Tze River cruise... the list is so long, and every place has as much to offer as the last. Just let me know exactly what I'm eating at all times --- I don't eat my pets.
September is the month where the seasons change. Autumn comes to the north, spring to the south. I think this the time to cross another event off my "bucket list". We're off to Tanzania and the Serengeti. I love Africa. I love it's people. Most of all, I love its beauty. I've always wanted to take a balloon safari over the Serengeti, watching millions of animals migrate. It would be a dream come true. As long as my needs can be catered for, why not? This is a trip that would take some planning... but if it's doable, wow!
October is synonymous with one event. Oktoberfest. So this is where I pack my bags for Munich, Germany. It might seem out of step for me. After all, it's getting colder. What would a Christian guy like me want in a bierhalle? Short answer... it sounds like a whole lot of fun, a chance to make friends, swig beer and scoff pretzels. Taking in a Bayern Munich game might be fun too. I'm a firm believer to try something at least once, and Munich looks magical. When my doctor said I should have two beers a day for my kidneys I thought he was nuts... here's my chance to test his theory.
November will see me winging my way to Rio, Brazil. Muito bem! It may be my gateway to the Amazon, but just visiting Sugarloaf mountain, the statue of Christ the Redeemer or taking a stroll along Copacabana beach would be amazing. The first prize would, of course, be a trip up the largest river, by volume, on earth. Again, this would take planning, but why not? The Amazon is awesome. Who knows, I may even convince Mariana to come along... if you don't know, she's a Brazilian girl I met in 2009. I believe in endless possibilities!
Last, but certainly not least, we reach December. Here I'm asking myself: "Where would I like to spend Christmas, if not with my family?" The simple answer is "...with more family, of course!" Take me to Nelson, New Zealand. This is an official hint, auntie (You know who you are!) Can it be done? This is one of my more petulant ideas but it would be great.
So there you have it. There are other destinations, of course... but these were off the top of my head. Here's to wishing. Here's to dreaming. Who knows what God'll do?
January would probably find me in Bangkok, Thailand. With its jumble of crammed streets running in every direction, its collage of colors, sounds and scents, and its proliferation of temples and markets, Bangkok is considered one of the most exciting cities in Asia. Well, that's what the travel brochures say. For me, it holds a special significance... it was my late mom's favourite place on earth, having visited 3 times. If I were to go, I'd consider it deeply spiritual, a way of connecting to someone I loved very much and miss even more.
February would see me in Cozumel, Mexico. Yes, I know it's a tourist trap, but what few know is that it was once an ancient Mayan fertility site. I love the latin culture, the spanish language (it would give me a chance to practice), and it would be the perfect base from which I could go see the Pre-Columbian pyramids, the jungles through which Morgan and Drake trekked, and the diverse architecture of the region. Of course, I'd probably want to employ a tour guide to get the full experience... and let's not forget the food. Mexican cuisine rocks!
March would take me to Luxor, Egypt. Tombs, temples, camels and desert. There's something romantic about visiting a place that was around at the dawn of civilization. To visit the Valley of the Kings, see Tutankhamun's tomb, the ruins of Thebes which include the "City of the Dead"... man! I'm in my element. And what better way to cap it all off than with a Nile cruise to Cairo, taking in the Pyramids of Giza and the Sphinx along the way. A few rounds through the souks, picking up a souvenir or two. That would be a trip worth taking!
So where to in April? Only one place comes to mind. Paris, France. The place I've wanted to experience since I was a boy. Montmatre, the Champs Ellysee, the Louvre, Notre Dame, the Eiffel Tower... the list goes on, and on. To take in all of Paris would take a lifetime. I'd settle for sitting on a bridge across the Seine, eating a baguet, sipping a beaujolais, while pondering the fact that the stone I was on probably came from the Bastille. Paris in springtime... now there's a cliche I wouldn't mind putting to the test.
So we come to May. Here again, the choice is pretty clear... Florence, Italy. This is the capital of Tuscany, which of itself brings images of wine, food and song. Birthplace of the Renaissance, Florence is, for me, about art and architecture. To quote the travel brochures, it is said that, of the 1,000 most important European artists of the second millennium, 350 lived or worked in Florence. The prospect of romance is, of course, a topic I've carefully skirted around up 'til now, but in a place like this... who knows, right?
June should find me in Vienna. This is another one of the places I've always wanted to see. A definite high point would be a trip to the Opera house... bearing in mind that this place was home to the likes of Mozart, Beethoven and Mahler. The art and architecture are also sure to be exquisite, considering that Gustav Klimt is my favourite artist ever. However, as always, it's the people who make any place what it is ultimately... so bring on a cup of wienner-mischung, a piece of torte and a newspaper, and leave me to watch the people from a cafe along the Ringstrasse.
July. My birth month. I'm thinking, let's have some fun! Bring on the American Eastern Seaboard. Yes I know it's not a city, as such. Hey, the US is the US, right? So let's visit Boston first, maybe take in a Sox game. I'm sure there are plenty of significant historical sites too, but I'd settle for a trip to Fenway Park, throwing in some July 4th fireworks... of all kinds. Then it's roadtrip time: next stop, the Big Apple! Just seeing the crazy pace would be entertaining but broadway beckons, methinks. A ferry to the Statue of Liberty, a trip around Times Square, all lit up, and a visit to "Ground zero", the place where our world changed forever. Along with a ride up the Empire State Building, I'd be happy. What about the Met, you ask? Okay, but then we're off again... to the last stop, Washington D.C. (and all the metal detectors). The Smithsonian, the Jefferson memorial, the Lincoln memorial, the Washington Memorial, the White House and the Capitol... I'm such a tourist!
So August comes along and I need a change of pace. China, baby! The toss up is always going to revolve around where. Will it be Beijing, with the Forbidden City, Tianenmen Square and the "Temple of Heaven"? Maybe Shanghai, the place where old meets new? X'ian is also an option, I'd love to see the Qin museum's terracotta warriors. Ultimately, I may have to just draw a lot... I mean, there's just so much. Hongkong, Taipei, a Yang Tze River cruise... the list is so long, and every place has as much to offer as the last. Just let me know exactly what I'm eating at all times --- I don't eat my pets.
September is the month where the seasons change. Autumn comes to the north, spring to the south. I think this the time to cross another event off my "bucket list". We're off to Tanzania and the Serengeti. I love Africa. I love it's people. Most of all, I love its beauty. I've always wanted to take a balloon safari over the Serengeti, watching millions of animals migrate. It would be a dream come true. As long as my needs can be catered for, why not? This is a trip that would take some planning... but if it's doable, wow!
October is synonymous with one event. Oktoberfest. So this is where I pack my bags for Munich, Germany. It might seem out of step for me. After all, it's getting colder. What would a Christian guy like me want in a bierhalle? Short answer... it sounds like a whole lot of fun, a chance to make friends, swig beer and scoff pretzels. Taking in a Bayern Munich game might be fun too. I'm a firm believer to try something at least once, and Munich looks magical. When my doctor said I should have two beers a day for my kidneys I thought he was nuts... here's my chance to test his theory.
November will see me winging my way to Rio, Brazil. Muito bem! It may be my gateway to the Amazon, but just visiting Sugarloaf mountain, the statue of Christ the Redeemer or taking a stroll along Copacabana beach would be amazing. The first prize would, of course, be a trip up the largest river, by volume, on earth. Again, this would take planning, but why not? The Amazon is awesome. Who knows, I may even convince Mariana to come along... if you don't know, she's a Brazilian girl I met in 2009. I believe in endless possibilities!
Last, but certainly not least, we reach December. Here I'm asking myself: "Where would I like to spend Christmas, if not with my family?" The simple answer is "...with more family, of course!" Take me to Nelson, New Zealand. This is an official hint, auntie (You know who you are!) Can it be done? This is one of my more petulant ideas but it would be great.
So there you have it. There are other destinations, of course... but these were off the top of my head. Here's to wishing. Here's to dreaming. Who knows what God'll do?
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Dying to get out
Have you ever had one of those days, so filled with effusive nostalgia, that you just can't keep it to yourself? Have you ever had a rush of emotion where you feel like you've experienced the melancholy of the ages and the euphoria of the future perpetua all at once? Today has been one of those days!
To feel with a passion where all you want to do is tear out little pieces of your heart and send them out into the world in unnamed envelopes, having faith that you will impart something akin to a beatific experience to those who seek hope most. This has been my day, whether for better or for worse... and no, there was no chemical catalyst.
The heat today is breathtaking, the intensity of my excitement is overwhelming. I feel like I want to float, I feel like I want to cry out with every ounce of my being. While I don't even possess the strength to convey these words, I'm humbled by the power I feel while writing them. If you have been touched or blessed by these sentiments... to God goes the glory and like me you should thank him. I don't know where it all came from.
Now it's time to go swim... I'm melting.
To feel with a passion where all you want to do is tear out little pieces of your heart and send them out into the world in unnamed envelopes, having faith that you will impart something akin to a beatific experience to those who seek hope most. This has been my day, whether for better or for worse... and no, there was no chemical catalyst.
The heat today is breathtaking, the intensity of my excitement is overwhelming. I feel like I want to float, I feel like I want to cry out with every ounce of my being. While I don't even possess the strength to convey these words, I'm humbled by the power I feel while writing them. If you have been touched or blessed by these sentiments... to God goes the glory and like me you should thank him. I don't know where it all came from.
Now it's time to go swim... I'm melting.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Frustration with the human condition...
If I had to try and put my last week into one word, it would be "Aaaagh!" Okay, I know that's not a word, strictly speaking, but my life isn't exactly going according to script. What does that mean, one may ask? Well, let me give you a glimpse of what some of my challenges are. At the moment, I'm healing from a pressure sore, a necrotic hole in my backside. You could say I have a proverbial "pain in the ass". Ironically, I have it because I don't feel pain. Ok, so, on its own, it's not enough to get me down but these things take time to repair --- not days... months! It does tend to slow me down.
Someone told me a little while ago how they always admired my positivity. I always try and make the best of things but even I get times where I feel despondent. I'm not someone who enjoys the idea that I can't do something. In my own mind, I'm capable of anything. What the mind can conceive, and believe, it can achieve! Throw in the favour of God, and there's nothing beyond me. Yeah, okay, I also have to set realistic goals for myself. I do believe, however, that there's a reason why, in close to 20 years, I've never had a dream where I was confined to a wheelchair. I've never allowed myself to have a "cripple" mindset.
So here I am, gradually building a case of cabin-fever, and it feels like there's very little I can do about it. I can keep busy, but there's only so much books, movies, or even work can do for me. I'm trying pretty hard to steel myself. I know what the timeframe is going to be. I'm just struggling at the moment. It's good to have friends and family to encourage me but, in the end, I've got to walk this path alone. I'm very grateful for a pseudo-anonymous portal like this blog to allow me to vent... God grant me patience, God grant me grace, God show me mercy, in Jesus' name. Amen.
Someone told me a little while ago how they always admired my positivity. I always try and make the best of things but even I get times where I feel despondent. I'm not someone who enjoys the idea that I can't do something. In my own mind, I'm capable of anything. What the mind can conceive, and believe, it can achieve! Throw in the favour of God, and there's nothing beyond me. Yeah, okay, I also have to set realistic goals for myself. I do believe, however, that there's a reason why, in close to 20 years, I've never had a dream where I was confined to a wheelchair. I've never allowed myself to have a "cripple" mindset.
So here I am, gradually building a case of cabin-fever, and it feels like there's very little I can do about it. I can keep busy, but there's only so much books, movies, or even work can do for me. I'm trying pretty hard to steel myself. I know what the timeframe is going to be. I'm just struggling at the moment. It's good to have friends and family to encourage me but, in the end, I've got to walk this path alone. I'm very grateful for a pseudo-anonymous portal like this blog to allow me to vent... God grant me patience, God grant me grace, God show me mercy, in Jesus' name. Amen.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
This is the life... or is it?
I could really get used to this! Having a few days where I just kick back with some DVDs, a good book and some test match cricket. Throw in the odd braai (that's what we in South Africa call a barbeque), a beer or two, and I'm a very happy guy. It's at times like these that I often reflect on things. I had a bit of a 'lightbulb' moment yesterday, an epiphany it could be called.
We tend to entertain ourselves with 'escapism', that is to say, immersing ourselves in the doings of others, whether it be the characters in a story, sporting heroes... anyone but ourselves. It seems that we find it pleasurable imagining ourselves living out our lives as someone else, doing something else, somewhere far, far away. This got me thinking: How many of us are human 'beings' as opposed to human 'doings'? How many of us live our lives in the third person?
I like to think that I'm the kind of guy that lives life with purpose, with passion. I have hopes and dreams --- I'm sure most people do. The question I find myself asking is: "How much of our ambition-, how many our expectations-, how many of the criteria for measuring our own happiness- have we taken on-board through comparing ourselves to others... real or imagined?" It's rather sad to hear so many people I know speak of their lives with so many regrets.
A friend recently told me that these are "supposed" to be the best years of my life. I'm 36 years old. The accident I had at 16 put pay to my dreams of being a surgeon. Does that mean that I've had 20 "wasted" years? I spent 10 years in tertiary education, spanning 3 different courses. I spent 7 years in a relationship with an amazing woman. I've had some incredible experiences. For me, the most meaningful "success" I've had was realizing that throughout this time I have been discovering different aspects of someone, it turns out, I barely knew... myself.
Today I stand on the threshold of finally seeing a fruition-, a culmination- of everything I've learned and hoped for. I am excited. I am expectant. I did it on my own terms. Roll on, 2010!
We tend to entertain ourselves with 'escapism', that is to say, immersing ourselves in the doings of others, whether it be the characters in a story, sporting heroes... anyone but ourselves. It seems that we find it pleasurable imagining ourselves living out our lives as someone else, doing something else, somewhere far, far away. This got me thinking: How many of us are human 'beings' as opposed to human 'doings'? How many of us live our lives in the third person?
I like to think that I'm the kind of guy that lives life with purpose, with passion. I have hopes and dreams --- I'm sure most people do. The question I find myself asking is: "How much of our ambition-, how many our expectations-, how many of the criteria for measuring our own happiness- have we taken on-board through comparing ourselves to others... real or imagined?" It's rather sad to hear so many people I know speak of their lives with so many regrets.
A friend recently told me that these are "supposed" to be the best years of my life. I'm 36 years old. The accident I had at 16 put pay to my dreams of being a surgeon. Does that mean that I've had 20 "wasted" years? I spent 10 years in tertiary education, spanning 3 different courses. I spent 7 years in a relationship with an amazing woman. I've had some incredible experiences. For me, the most meaningful "success" I've had was realizing that throughout this time I have been discovering different aspects of someone, it turns out, I barely knew... myself.
Today I stand on the threshold of finally seeing a fruition-, a culmination- of everything I've learned and hoped for. I am excited. I am expectant. I did it on my own terms. Roll on, 2010!
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