If I had to try and put my last week into one word, it would be "Aaaagh!" Okay, I know that's not a word, strictly speaking, but my life isn't exactly going according to script. What does that mean, one may ask? Well, let me give you a glimpse of what some of my challenges are. At the moment, I'm healing from a pressure sore, a necrotic hole in my backside. You could say I have a proverbial "pain in the ass". Ironically, I have it because I don't feel pain. Ok, so, on its own, it's not enough to get me down but these things take time to repair --- not days... months! It does tend to slow me down.
Someone told me a little while ago how they always admired my positivity. I always try and make the best of things but even I get times where I feel despondent. I'm not someone who enjoys the idea that I can't do something. In my own mind, I'm capable of anything. What the mind can conceive, and believe, it can achieve! Throw in the favour of God, and there's nothing beyond me. Yeah, okay, I also have to set realistic goals for myself. I do believe, however, that there's a reason why, in close to 20 years, I've never had a dream where I was confined to a wheelchair. I've never allowed myself to have a "cripple" mindset.
So here I am, gradually building a case of cabin-fever, and it feels like there's very little I can do about it. I can keep busy, but there's only so much books, movies, or even work can do for me. I'm trying pretty hard to steel myself. I know what the timeframe is going to be. I'm just struggling at the moment. It's good to have friends and family to encourage me but, in the end, I've got to walk this path alone. I'm very grateful for a pseudo-anonymous portal like this blog to allow me to vent... God grant me patience, God grant me grace, God show me mercy, in Jesus' name. Amen.
2 comments:
Hi there, I cant imagine what this must be like, take heart, "this too will pass" even though its a pain in the ...! See I am a poet, a bad one but one never the less. Love your blog. I started one this year too. life with-jewels.chow Julie
Dude! I'm so sorry to hear about the pressure sore. Having had the privilege in the past to care for you, I know all too well how frustrating this must be.
Are you able to sit up at all?
At some point, when my schedule allows it, I do intend to swing by and say "hi".
In the meanwhile, have you considered writing at all? I know this editor...
**grins**
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