This is the life... or is it?

I could really get used to this! Having a few days where I just kick back with some DVDs, a good book and some test match cricket. Throw in the odd braai (that's what we in South Africa call a barbeque), a beer or two, and I'm a very happy guy. It's at times like these that I often reflect on things. I had a bit of a 'lightbulb' moment yesterday, an epiphany it could be called.

We tend to entertain ourselves with 'escapism', that is to say, immersing ourselves in the doings of others, whether it be the characters in a story, sporting heroes... anyone but ourselves. It seems that we find it pleasurable imagining ourselves living out our lives as someone else, doing something else, somewhere far, far away. This got me thinking: How many of us are human 'beings' as opposed to human 'doings'? How many of us live our lives in the third person?

I like to think that I'm the kind of guy that lives life with purpose, with passion. I have hopes and dreams --- I'm sure most people do. The question I find myself asking is: "How much of our ambition-, how many our expectations-, how many of the criteria for measuring our own happiness- have we taken on-board through comparing ourselves to others... real or imagined?" It's rather sad to hear so many people I know speak of their lives with so many regrets.

A friend recently told me that these are "supposed" to be the best years of my life. I'm 36 years old. The accident I had at 16 put pay to my dreams of being a surgeon. Does that mean that I've had 20 "wasted" years? I spent 10 years in tertiary education, spanning 3 different courses. I spent 7 years in a relationship with an amazing woman. I've had some incredible experiences. For me, the most meaningful "success" I've had was realizing that throughout this time I have been discovering different aspects of someone, it turns out, I barely knew... myself.

Today I stand on the threshold of finally seeing a fruition-, a culmination- of everything I've learned and hoped for. I am excited. I am expectant. I did it on my own terms. Roll on, 2010!